So the military ball that I thought was next week is tonight.

I found my dress on Monday. Finished altering Felix's uniform yesterday and now I'm debating on buying new shoes.

I'm pretty darn proud of myself since I had 3 extra munchkins this week. Not bad all things considered.

I could sleep for a week right now if I had the chance. Felix deploys next month and we leave on block leave in two weeks. The week we leave for NM is VBS at church, and the Army ball which we will be attending. Two days after we get back Marcus has to go in for his sleep study. Felix deploys and Marcus turns 4. All of this is happening in a time period of two months and I feel completely overwhelmed.
I can't even get my laundry put away. I've been trying all week and I still haven't finished.

I wonder if this is what the beginning of a nervous breakdown feels like.

Felix has no idea how close he's come to being attacked by crazed pregnant ninjas.

I had been casually throwing around Mothers Day gift ideas for a few days. Each one he has shot down, without giving me any suggestions or helpful input. Tonight as I was ordering my mom's Mothers Day present (Mouse Cookies & More for the curious) I asked him once again for an idea.

"She always likes getting pictures of us."

I know that seems innocent, but let me rewind to Sunday. I suggested getting a digital photo key chain, uploading a few pictures and mailing it off. Felix was unimpressed, and seemed slightly disgusted at the suggestion. But NOW pictures are a good idea? That ship has already sailed. Pictures of us are NOT happening. I don't have any pictures of me since our wedding anniversary in February. I don't have time to sit down and sort through photos trying to find ones to give her right now. We still have boxes flooding our living room, begging to be unpacked. I have barely been able to walk for almost a week, and the icing on the cake is I am apparently the only capable of doing laundry/dishes/general clean up.

I just feel like it is always me that has to do the gifts. Last year we sent his mom framed photos and a custom calendar. Felix gave an opinion of a few of the photos and that was it. I compiled everything together, bought the frames, shipped everything... He didn't have to do anything. Why? Seriously, I want to know.









I'm a raging ball of pissed off hormones and I'm probably over reacting. but FOR GOODNESS SAKE why do I have to be solely responsible for every gift we give?!

The day my internet was finally hooked up, I found out about a spouses meeting for protecting your relationship during deployment that was scheduled for that night. The email promised that all spouses would be released early that day so that they could be on childcare duty at home. Felix ended up released 45 minutes later than usual, as I was walking into the building with Marcus mentally cursing his chain of command he called to let me know that he had just been released.

I was hot. I was furious. This was the FOURTH time in a row that instead of being let off early so I could attend a training or meeting he was kept later. The first time was my key caller training. I literally walked out the door as he came in so I could get there on time. Thankfully the instructor was late that day so it wasn't a big deal. The second time was an exclusive meet and greet for the chain of command and the key callers. Felix was release 2 and a half hours later than usual and if it wasn't for Amanada, I wouldn't have made it. The third time was a luncheon at his company building. During lunch They released him for lunch at 12:30, he had to be back at 1.
I had intended to talk to the brigade commander's wife about these "promises", but I was so upset, I didn't trust myself to act like an adult.


Today at a FRG luncheon Felix's captain came up to me and apologized for Felix being late for the last meeting. He said that some lines of communication had been crossed and he was deeply sorry... So I asked him about the "care team" training. The "Care Team" training is a 4 hour course. You are not allowed to be late, or to leave early. It also starts right at 5 pm. I told him I'd like to go to the training, but unless Felix was going to be able to watch Marcus, it wasn't possible.
He guaranteed me that Felix would be home on time. With the promise that if it didn't happen heads would roll, I could embody hell's fury.

I have been so tired lately. I feel like I have no energy at all.

We went to Abilene this weekend to visit my grandparents/ We had an incredible time. Just talking. It was by far the best vacation we had been on in a long time. We weren't running around trying to fit everyone in that we wanted to see and everything thing that we wanted to do into our schedule. My (paternal) Aunts and Uncles all live in Abilene so they came over every night and we got to visit with them. Marcus adored all the attention. He and my grandfather put model airplanes together and worked in the garden. My grandfather kept calling Marcus "cowboy", to which Marcus would respond "I'm not a cowboy!" ... Until we got home. Then he dubbed Mat "my horsey" and informed us that he was a cowboy.

Pig flu is rocking my world. When it first started one of Felix's SGT's kept sending him text messages and calling to warn him about the status and remind us not to eat pork- Which is not a problem in our household as I'm allergic to all things pork.
...Then they closed the high school in Cibolo. Cibolo is 40 miles northeast of San Antonio, and several soldiers makes the commute daily for lower property taxes. Apparently warnings have been issued that is the swine flu raises to a level 6 (it's a 5 right now) They'll close down the post/city.
Tuesday our MTF revealed that they had done over 2,000 swine flu tests over the weekend and nothing had turned up positive. However with the normal boring flu going around the MTF is completely flooded with people.

Deployment is in less than 3 months, and I'm not okay with it anymore. I thought I was doing fine until th battalion commander's wife approached me about being on the "care team". I don't know if I can explain it very well, but the "Care team" is a support group for the families that suffer a loss during the deployment. I've been bouncing back and forth on the decision. I just don't know. On the superficial side I do have a nagging fear of spreading myself too thin. I'm already a key caller, and the almost-official volunteer doula for the brigade. But I keep thinking about the response to other volunteer postions. No one volunteers. Everyone leaves it up to "somebody else".
I just don't know.

I HAVE INTERNET!!!


I missed you all so much!!

House hunting was a bust for the fourth time in a row. We're going to be homeless forever!!!!
We saw one house that I fell in love with. It only had carpet in the bedrooms, it had a two car garage, a huge deck, fenced in backyard and handcuffs on the closet rod. Unfortunately it was in the process of being rewired, the fence was tumbling down, and the deck was rotted through.
I love Amanada but I'm terrified that if we stay here much longer we'll end up hating each other.


I lost every single set of keys he had except for my car keys and the keys to Amanada's house. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but Felix is home (YAY!!!) and he had to leave for work before 6am. I could go pick the car up, but I don't have spare keys. I had planned on picking up mail today, so I could try to get my driver's license renewed. I hope I left them in my car somewhere otherwise we're screwed, because I have no idea which box they could have ended up in.